I'm Losing myself trying to compete..

I just feel really off balance. I feel like I need to talk to a doctor about it because I can’t take this happening but I don’t have one and my mom won’t let me get on medication anyways and I’d have to use their insurance.so I’m just alone.plus I don’t want to do anything too jeopardize my being able to serve a mission in a year..

I’ve been doing so incredibly well but last Saturday I had a set back and now I feel like a failure. I didn’t get to bed until like 4:30 am and woke up a few hours later to go with the sister missionaries to the salt lake temple to watch general conf. And on the Trax on our way I had the worst anxiety attack of my life. My hands literally went paralyzed and I couldn’t move them and it was one of the scariest moments of my life. I felt so stupid and pathetic once I was finally a little bit okay. But I just haven’t been the same since. Everything I worked so hard for and how well my mindset was doing like disappeared. I’m having issues eating, I’m super depressed, I feel worthless, having bad thoughts and I can’t even take a picture of myself without being disgusted. Ugh! I don’t know what to do😭😭😭😭