Also… interview with bishop went really well and he says it’s going to take a lot of preparation before I’m able to go out, Like 6 or 9 months maybe but he really thinks I can do it, I’m at least going to try, and he’s way excited for me.& I’m ecstatic!! so I just have to meet with him every few weeks and do everything that I need to!:) AND now that it’s a little more set that I really am going to do this I think my mom’s warming up to the idea a little bit too!
So minor accomplishment to some, huge accomplishment to me.. It’s probably pathetic..but i was actually able to say the word molested yesterday and listen to my therapist say the word abuse in therapy without shutting down or zoning out or anything.. I’m so proud of myself! Finally getting somewhere!
So I have an appointment with my bishop tomorrow night to talk with him about a mission. I’m super nervous for what he’s gunna say!!if he says I can’t go on one I’m going to break down and bawl.I’ve thought a lot about this and I’m doing better than ever and I don’t think it would be fair to not even get a chance. I just feel like Satan has been trying to influence me my whole life but there’s no way this is the same because only god would want me to serve a mission. I don’t ever see Satan trying to convince me of it. Which is why I’m so convinced that this is the right thing. And that regardless whether I have support or not if my bishop lets me I want to go on a mission. I told my mom today how hurt I am that she doesn’t have any confidence in me and doesn’t think I can do it and that it hurts that my friends are supportive but not her and she just got really mad at me and told me that she thinks a mission would be good for me But I couldn’t handle it.and said that they’re only supportive because they aren’t the ones who have been there my whole life and have to pick up the pieces when I can’t do this, she is..and she knows me.but what she doesn’t realize? I made it through high school by myself I rarely even talked to her. She had no idea what I was dealing with, and another reason I think a mission would be good is that I could get away from her and The time and space just might heal our relationship. If I can get through years of high school that I didn’t want to go to why couldn’t I handle 18 months doing what I chose? Idk I’m not really having doubts, Maybe a little but I’m just really really hurt that my mom’s not being supportive.
My Instagram is literally just pictures of Peace and Savyannah because if I don’t have a baby in my arms I don’t think I look cute.& I love them so much and think they’re adorable.
ITS A GIRL! My cutest ever cousins:) baby doesn’t have a name yet. She will tomorrow by the time they leave the hospital. She’s perfect and I love her sooooo much:)
It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare say no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that said you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
If you are thinking of taking your life, call:
You stupid motherfuckers, don’t you dare not reblog this. Because this deserves 100K notes more than pictures of your favourite gay couple or cute cats, and yet it has 243 notes. 243 fucking notes? Fuck that. Fucking signal boost this.
I wish she had seen this.
You could save a life tonight with just one reblog
I know I was about to overdose when I read this. Seriously, everyone should reblog this. You never know who it’s going to help in the moment.
this is important. my good friend in High School found her father after her hung himself, her and her brother were always scarred and never acted right. they are both great people, especially as they’ve left that funk and matured quite a bit, but you can see the sadness in their eyes every day and it’s been over a decade.
I’m doing better than I have in my entire life. I’m so proud of where I am in life. & that ive fought so damn hard to get here.The last week and a half all I’ve been able to think about is how much I would love to serve an LDS mission and I don’t have a ton of support about it but its something I’m seriously considering anyways. I’m happier than I ever have been and I owe a lot of it to this sweet little girl we’ve been blesed to take care of. She saved me and she doesn’t even know it. I love her so much and my life is going pretty perfectly rn. I feel like everything is falling into place. But I owe EVERYTHING to my heavenly father and I’m so grateful to still be alive at the age of 19 yrs old because I never thought id make it this far.
On a much better note though my favorite aunt is dilated to a 3 and got her membranes stripped so were having a baby any day now!:) & my new phone comes tomorow!:) so those things I’m pretty excited about!:)
Alyssas pissed off that she’s grounded and apparently doesn’t understand why she is. Really? Maybe because you took off after school without permission in really bad weather and then hung the phone up on my mom twice and gave her really bad attitude,Lied to her and just barely came home from school.when you get out at 3. That couldn’t be it, could it?:/
Ughh Kylie you have no idea. I’m so pissed off!!:( my aunt literally texted my cousin yesterday and said I’m glad you’re doing what you need to and getting yourself to school and being responsible and stuff because you’re the only one who can right now & thanks for sort of helping me get on track in my life too.. Like umm no. YOU SHOULD BE EFFING TAKING CARE OF YOUR KIDS. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND:’( this is ridiculous!! She just got home. She’s grounded now.